On Gathering, Making Light, and, On Doubting Your Integrity — 3 Books to Light the Way
Three books that are really hitting the spot for me of late are The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why it Matters by Priya Parker, The Lightmaker’s Manifesto by Karen Walrond, and a book I’ve mentioned several times before here on TwB, On Art and Mindfulness by Enrique Martinez Celaya. What they all have in common is that they question the way we always do things and ask us to re-imagine our practices, whether in life, art, or work (and don’t those three things often overlap anyway?).
In a recent conversation with Kerry Clare about my own book, Everything Affects Everyone, we talk about something I’ve often said here which is, what happens when we consider the opposite? It’s a bit of a mantra I have for myself: “Consider the opposite.” It’s a phrase that helps me get out of the mud sometimes, and has helped me conceive of and form a lot of my writing. These three books have me looking at things from a fresh angle.
1. The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker
The book opens with the words, “The way we gather matters. Gatherings consume our days and help determine the kind of world we live in, in both our intimate and public realms. Gathering — the conscious bringing together of people for a reason — shapes the way we think, feel, and make sense of the world.” At first I thought maybe this was a book more for organizations and businesses and institutions of various sorts. But we all gather (maybe not quite so much as pre-pandemic, but gathering in a digital space still counts). What happens before we gather (think invitation), at the beginning as we walk through a threshold, and at the end of a gathering, are crucial to the way we feel about a meeting, and affects how that experience goes. One example she gives reminds me of so many literary readings I’ve been to. The writer often starts with “housekeeping.” Thanking people, giving the Academy Award kind of speech, or telling the audience whether they parked in the right place or not. And it’s not that you shouldn’t issue thanks or say where the bathrooms are, but maybe there are other ways to do that? The opening to a gathering is pure gold and so many people squander it with directions to the loo. What you should do, she says, is use the opportunity, while you have everyone’s pure and fresh attention, is to “sear your gathering’s purpose into the minds of your guests.”
In short, she asks what might happen if we were more intentional with our gatherings, whether it’s a dinner party, book club, a staff meeting, or a meet-up with friends in a park. If you’ve got a good thing going, are there ways to make it even better?
2. The Lightmaker’s Manifesto: How to Work for Change Without Losing Your Joy by Karen Walrond
I don’t want to brag, but I’ve been following Karen Walrond’s blog since early days, and I absolutely love how she’s evolved, been brave, and shown us the work that goes into what she does. It's lovely to see her hit that next level but still remain exactly who she is. Her book seems to me the culmination of her journey to date, which is undoubtedly just beginning. She’s a light!
A friend IRL of Brené Brown, Karen makes visible that inspiration and cross-pollination (which on its own is a great model right?). She quotes Brown on cultivating courage: “I say, I’m here to get it right, not to be right.” She talks about grassroots activism and helps the reader move toward this “in a way that avoids burnout and allows you to tap into your joyful soul.” Because how can we help anyone else when we don’t have a joyful soul? (Well, you can but you don’t last long…).
This book is full of practical advice, ways to plan and clarify your own core values, and stories that are memorable and instructive. Again, Brené Brown (Karen is generous in sharing what she has learned from others): “I think the reason my work resonates so much is because it’s not the work itself that people are drawn to. People are actually drawn to watching me struggle with the work. I’m like, “Here’s what the research says, and it’s messed up and I don’t want to do it either, but here’s how I’m trying and failing, and trying and failing.”
I love that Walrond quotes Edith Wharton: “There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” And then, Walrond extends this, and it’s beautiful: “Yet over time, I’ve come to believe that Wharton’s words omit a third way to spread light, and that is to make it. More than simply defaulting to kindness, or waiting for an act of generosity to respond in kind, we can proactively take the things that fuel us — our gifts and our passions — and use them to serve the world.”
As someone who works in a library, where there is way more “social work” going on than most people imagine, Karen Walrond’s mode of inspiring joy through this kind of work has been invaluable to me.
3. On Art and Mindfulness by Enrique Martinez Celaya
I’ve mentioned this book numerous times in this space, but I keep coming back to it. It seems the more time passes with this book, the more pertinent it becomes for me. New lines will emerge, new quotations, as favourites. Maybe it’s because I picked it up after reading the aforementioned books, but this quotation rises up for me today:
“Let doubt be a source of growth rather than a debilitating force. If you want to maintain your integrity, question yourself often. Doubt your best deeds. Examine your smallness. Doubt is at the heart of any serious artistic practice as well as the day-to-day activities of an artist. Some artists think the doubts will eventually subside, but they will not. As you mature, new questions appear that challenge whatever development you have attained.”
He also says this:
“Launch yourself recklessly towards your dreams. Wake up and be desperate. Desperation demands action. As an artist you must always be desperate. Try anything. Be careful with your calculations. Calculations become a habit. A calculated life is seldom radiant.”
(Which may or may not be true! But I love to think about recklessly launching myself towards my dreams. I often think I should be more calculating rather than doing my many things at once. But. That’s a subject for another post!)
I think right now these three books have been so great for me because they’re all about formulating ways to move forward, and to do so in meaningful ways. How to gather with joy and intention, how to do our small acts with joy and intention, how to make art with joy and intention (or recklessness). How to fail and try and doubt and just go all in with what you’re doing, whatever it is. How to develop that sense of integrity that seems so desirable right now! How to challenge old patterns and be open to questioning processes as we move forward. All the good stuff, right? that is so incredibly hard but so rewarding to even just try!
So lastly, instead of going on about all my book news, might I direct you here if you’re interested? With thanks,
Shawna
Sunday, November 21, 2021
